everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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