Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize