you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
