Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
