if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
