You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
