Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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