I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
