he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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