NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
