I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
