apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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