I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
