How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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