I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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