there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
