Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize