I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
