I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
