Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love having hate sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
