Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
