I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
