My nipple is on Facebook.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When are your genitals available?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
