just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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