I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
