help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
