You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
