he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
