Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
