my mouth tastes like poor choices
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
