i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
handjob tips. give me some.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize