you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
