He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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