it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
