I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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