What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
