Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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