im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize