I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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