How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
