I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
