If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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