Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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