I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
