scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
