what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
