You can't special order awesome
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
