I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
