just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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