He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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