Someone shit on the floor
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
