I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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