Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
