I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
