Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
