Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
