so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
