yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
