i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
