I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
