It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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