Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize