I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
