Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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