My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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