You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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