first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
