next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize