why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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