Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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