i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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