so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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