i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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