Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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