I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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