i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize