i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
