Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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