fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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