question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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