They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
