I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
