One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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